Ishmael Dreaming

 And updating is a fairly good way of procrastinating really.

On life stress: I am not taking anything. My doctor is wonderful. My tutor is way pregnant, I keep trying to guess how much. My Lumie (Brightspark Lightbox is its full name, but I am calling it "my Lumie" in my head already...) is my new friend. I love it. I am feeling happier. 

Other things. Last night I and six friends went to the Union for their Valentines Ball, which isn't a Ball and doesn't have much to do with Valentines. There was a hog roast and a chocolate fountain and nice punch. There was not enough free alcohol.

There was a tarot card reader.She said I was going to fall in love. Massively, majorly, hugely, and experience a beautiful, life changing relationship. Well, um, that would be nice. She also said I was disappointed that something creative hadn't been completed, but that I shouldn't worry because it would be eventually. That, also, would be rather nice, in regards to writing in particular, and probably this backlog of essays as well.

My college's June Event tickets have gone on sale. I hope some of my non college friends want to come.

I have a graze box! Graze boxes are small boxes of healthy snacks that are mailed to you. I know, amazing, yes? I dunno, maybe in the real world its silly and a ripoff (£2.99 a box, but that does include the postage) but its totally fun to rate the food they offer, which is mostly fresh and dried fruit, nuts and seeds and other yummy things you can graze on, and its is totally exciting to receive, and I snack so much anyway. I'll try it a few times, and perhaps the novelty will wear off, but maybe it won't. You rate their products and then they send you a selection - today I got fresh grapes, green olives with basil and garlic, and honey almonds. Yum.

If anyone (in the UK, bbs) would like to try it out, you can get a free box, and I can get a discounted box, if you use the code 1PNMGQRN at graze.com. :D

Recently I find I want to write, and more than that, to write my stories so that other people can *read* them, in a way I haven't for years. Which is totally exciting - more storyteller, I-want-to-share-this attitude, and less this-is-a-nice-idea-I-shall-quietly-enjoy-over-here, which adds to my drive to actually create rather than just plan and design. Which is very nice.

I applied for my first credit card the other day. I really hope it arrives soon, because I want to use it to book flights, and I don't want the flight prices to rise massively while I wait for post.

I really need to go to the library. Well, I really needed to go to the library yesterday, and this morning, its getting fairly critical now. But that is the nature of procrastination I suppose.

I would love some music recs, if anyone has any suggestions. 

I am going back to uni today. I have no idea whether I am leaving home, or returning to it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2009 was pretty good to me all things considered. Here's hoping 2010 is even better, for everyone, all my family and friends, and all my friends reading this particularly, as well as myself. I love you guys!

I should really make an epic holidays - Christmas - marmfish meetup - New Year's Eve  - New Year's resolutions - look back at the past decade kinda post, and I will, but I think I'll put it off a bit longer, and instead of doing it now I'm gonna rewatch David Tennant's penultimate episode of Doctor Who, just before his last goes out. End of time, end of an era, and I'm going to miss him, and this. But still, I'm also very excited to move on and forward and part of me is so so excited to see Matt Smith takeover. So.

Here's to new beginnings.

~ Since getting home, Pembroke seems more and more like a lovely dream. I want to go back, I had fun, there were wonderful people there... but somehow, it doesn't seem all that real. How odd. Kinda like when the kids aren't in Narnia.

~ At the moment, its all about getting ready for Christmas; we have put up the Christmas tree, which in our house is real, drops needles and smells amazing, and it is quite bigger, much bigger than me, and strangely fat this year. It is quite decorated, but not entirely, because we have far far too many decorations, and also because we have saved some of it for later today, hopefully.

~ I have bought a quite respectable quantity of presents, but basically all online, and few have arrived yet, and there is one in particular where I am worried about the delivery date for. Hmmm. I may have to buy it again, and then return the original one when it turns up or something. Annoying.

~ Last night, it snowed! It snowed a very tiny amount, but still. SNOW. In actual December. It's very exciting indeed.

~ It's scandalous how little work I have done, and very soon I am going to be cursing and regretting this very much. But for now, laziness and sleep.

~ Three times now I have thought I might go clubbing with friends, only for it not to happen, because they went home or I did or something, but its still been really really nice just to sit around in bars and what have you, really appreciating and enjoying someone's presence. When I was at school there are some people you are just around all the time and you don't quite appreciate how much you love and depend on them. So ok, I am away from my uni friends, but yeah. There is a new Christmas decoration on our tree this year, courtesy of them. No, they didn't buy it or give it to me as a symbol of our love for each other. They helped me nick it from a pub. Best friends, you know? :P

~ OH and I went to Durham. :D That was fun. And I met arkeiryn and sarkysnarky and we had fun and the whole thing was generally awesome, with a little bit of annoyance, but then more awesome on top. I planned to make a massive gossipy post about the whole thing. I kinda still want to. Perhaps I shall! Probably tomorrow.

~ I'm not entirely sure how its happened, but I am in a serious Adam Lambert glut. I didn't think I could love him, or just read about him, more, but turns out, yes, yes I can. Its kinda strange actually, to resurface occasionally and realise that many people actually have no idea who he is or gives a damn about what he does. But. I continue to love and be in awe of him. HE IS FUCKING FABULOUS.

~ Having said that, I have no interest in the X Factor over here, beyond a vague appreciation for Simon Cowell, and am about to buy Rage Against the Machine. So... *shrugs*

( Some mentions of: Merlin, Glee, David Tennant, the Hub, SGU )
~ AND, of course, TDL FANDOM. Oh how I love you and all the fish. The meetup is soon! This is very nearly as exciting as actual Christmas. Maybe more if Christmas didn't mean Doctor Who. BUT WE ARE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN. And, there has just been a whole bunch of cookies and backstory and the TDC cover, and it has been a very exciting couple of days. "Nick's First Word" brought a tear to my eye, and the cookie posted today, with sensible!Mae and looming!Nick both rocks and confuses me by combining the sense and swooning that I liked so much in Mae in TDL into one, possibly fatal scene. With a mention of my bb, SEB. I really don't see how this fandom isn't everything I've always wanted. :D :D Happy.

Oh and lysimache, thank you very much for the snowflake cookie! It made my day.

I'm home.








Now what?

Hebrew. Laundry. Writing. Shopping. Studying. Eating real food. Going to the gym. Reading for pleasure. Catching up on TV. Catching up with everything.

Maybe even more sleep first though.

This is just a quick post to say

WHITE COLLAR IS FUCKING IMMENSE.

Everyone should watch it. I am not kidding. Neal Caffrey, played by Matt Bomer, is so inhumanly beautitful, its insane. And, y'know, its a good fun show too. But I'm telling you, INHUMANLY BEAUTIFUL. SUPER MEGA FOXY AWESOME HOT.

And, if that wasn't enough, there is slashiness, yes, oh yes, but more than that, there is the absolute best OT3 I've ever given a damn about. OT3 isn't something I seem to ship much, (though the idea of Mark/Olivia/Lloyd from FlashForward occurred in its strangely heartbreaking manner) but here OMG YOU GUISE.

Neal/Peter/Elizabeth. FOREVER.

Elizabeth is Peter's wife. She is awesome. I love her. So does Peter. So does Neal. So should everybody. Like, I see the Peter/Neal (oh, do I) but it is missing Elizabeth. She, and her marriage and her relationship with Neal, is incredible and awesome and WATCH THIS SHOW AND SHIP WITH ME PEOPLE.

~ My new debit card FINALLY arrived! I went straight to Amazon and bought a couple of YA fantasy type books to celebrate, and am thinking of enjoying the freedom to get a couple of other things as well maybe. Any recs?

~ Tomorrow I am going to London to see John Barrowman in La Cage Aux Folles. Excited! 

~ The day after is Waters of Mars! EXCITED!!!

~ I watched Glee 1x09 Wheels this morning, and it was definitely the best episode yet. Plus, the last ep of Heroes continued to be decent. Whereas with House, I was left whimpering. Because I loved it that is. Oh Chase.

~ But, hats off to FlashForward, which I swear was just. So. Good. That episode not only effected my emotional balance for the entire day, but looking back now it still is. For something so simple, so obvious, be so devastating and so incredibly uplifting simultaneously, is real beauty right there. Absolutely superb, and I need to tell everyone, EVERYONE should be watching this show. It's not complicated, its just oh so compelling and powerful. And oh my god, I love that so much. It is all I want from a show, and its crafted slowly with love. Also, how many British people are in it? Like, crazy. Dude. WATCH FLASHFORWARD YOU GUYS.

~ I have had another idea for a book. Yes, another one. And yesterday, I hestitantly wrote a page or so of the idea I said I definitely wouldn't be writing until I had either finished a proper draft of Imlie's Garden or gave up on it, so that's... huh. And, I had a horrible moment where I went "oh God, is Shades too much like Merlin?" Because, um, it has a magical boy, and a royal court, and I dunno, now I type that it seems really stupid because actually, unless Merlin develops very strangely they really aren't much alike at all. Beyond both involving a magical boy in a quite undefined fantasy past and a royal court... and ok, the boy has a mentor and there's a king and a princess and her maid as other main characters BUT I PROMISE ACTUALLY THEY AREN'T AT ALL SIMILAR. God. Has anyone else ever had that kinda insecurity, where you, the person writing, or with the idea, know it really isn't like something else, but its hard to get across how they are different when some things are on paper at least seem similar backdrop? The new idea I had a moment ago was the first time I've ever wanted to write about vampires. And yes, a teenage girl. BUT NO, IT ISN'T BLOODY TWILIGHT, geeez.

And now, I must get some dinner.

I FINISHED THE ESSAY!!! 

IT IS DONE, SUBMITTED, OVER, COMPLETED, FINISHED.

YES. I DID IT!!!

...now there are a bunch of other things I need to do, but none as important or agonising as that essay.

Argh.

Welcome to Cambridge. Have an essay, assigned by email, be the first thing you see on Monday morning. Can I remember how to write? Or read? Or think? NO. Did I even know what the word "homoousios" meant before Monday? And why why why is it that the more I read, or more realistically, skim and index hop from book to book, all I really learn is that really I need to read way way more books.

Today has to be the big push on this essay - its due mid Friday, but I have today free and four hours of faculty work tomorrow, so... Yesterday, I spent hours reading in the library, and then brought six books (aka, as many as I could take out/fit in my bag) back to college with me. I've told myself I must have read all the relevant bits in them by lunchtime. LUNCHTIME. As, in, three hours time. Oh god. The theory being, if I get that done I reward myself with a trip to the Union to see Eoin Colfer/lunch/getting another book from the library. Then back at my desk no later than 3, to start writing as well as continue reading, with a possible break again at 6 because I went to get to trough and have proper food again - yesterday, I ate 8 slices of toast, and a chicken baguette. (Plus snacks, and honey apple.)
 
The most annoying thing is that the reading is starting to teach me what I need for the first part of the question, but not the second part "how important is it for theology today?" I DON'T KNOW, all this stuff was important in THE FOURTH CENTURY but I have absolutely no clue whether people still argue about it, or whether there's a particular denomination that disregards the Nicean Creed (can you consider yourself Christian without having had a schism from something else, rather starting right back at the beginning again? *confused*) or something, and I don't know whether I am meant to ask for more, more specific book recommendations or whether I am supposed to struggle onwards and hope something just occurs to me or I magically have picked the right book. Only I won't have, because all of these books are about the controversy in the fourth century, not today.

Ok, having typed that sentence, I think I really do need help. Dunno whether to start with asking my supervisor, my DOS, or just an older student. Hmmm. Maybe all of the above.

Other cool stuff has been happening, which I will write about I expect after my deadline has passed.

but we're loading the car up now.

And then, I'm off. To uni.

Wish me luck!




Oh god.

Today I am going to Devon for two weeks. It is beautiful and lovely (although I'm think the weather doesn't look great right now, but meh). I might get online occasionally, but at slow dial up speeds and not everyday. So I might pop up but mostly I won't, and I definitely won't be in chat fishies! I hope I will get some writing done, and also learn Hebrew, and I've got a couple of classics to read to see whether I might wnat to read such famous authors more. I hope they are as good as has been suggested.

Yesterday I went to the fair, which was fun and excellent, despite initial difficulties finding the friends I was meant to be meeting. I don't do serious scary rides but had a wonderful and hilarious time on the pimped out tea cups, riding a chicken, on a weirdly personalised ghost train and being slammed into my friends as we were spun around and around and around... Then we got noodles and finished up in the pub, which is a decent way to end any day out and help balance out the candyfloss. Mmmm.

Thinking about a trip to the Globe - I've never been! And apparently there is a good As You Like It complete with an ex-History Boy, so may have to check that out if possible. Much flailing occured over realising we wouldn't all see awesome movies together, and planning long trips to end up together for a weekend and thus able to. Or something.

But yes. That was yesterday, And now, I must pack, or I will never leave.

I just had a major scare, where I think virus fake anti-virus thing installed itself, told me I had loads of crap, tried to force me to give it credit card details, then I couldn't turn it off, I couldn't delete it, it took over the background of my desktop, it was trying to intimidate me... ARGH.

I restored the system and I think its ok now. But I was seriously panicking. My beautiful baby in trouble! It seriously freaked me out.

In other news...

I bought my Hebrew textbook, and have started to learn the alphabet. Alphabets should not be complicated. But this alphabet-- well. There are no vowels. I don't even know how to begin to learn to pronounce a language which HAS NO VOWELS. Perhaps I can think about it like txtspk, maybe that will help. There are three different s s s. And some of the letter look pretty similar. Oh, and I know they have this in Greek as well, but when people do this ' and expect me to know what that sounds like... well, I'm sorry, but I don't.

I mean, I know I'll get it if I just focus and then when I get to Cambridge I'll probably wish to be learning something as ridculously simple. But still. I already know the Greek alphabet. And absolutely everyone else in the appropriate facebook group is taking Greek. And I dunno, I kinda wonder why I picked Hebrew in the first place, am I just making life more difficult for no particular reason? Originally, I had my heart set on learning Arabic and reading the Koran and wouldn't that be awesome? But then I was concerned that Arabic doesn't seem to have any supervisions, plus no Qu'ranic study modules until next year, whereas I am taking both the OT and NT modules available this year. But again, why exactly have I turned away from Greek? I mean, I think I thought Greek was boring. But now, I'm starting to think, well, maybe I'd rather read the NT than the OT anyway. Hebrew??? Sounds really cool, but honestly - why???

*sigh* Maybe all this will come to nothing. Clearly I like double guessing myself.

I got another big pack of stuff from Pembroke, but as of yet nothing fun - it was serious stuff outlining bills and rules and stuff. But at least I now know my room number and my rent etc, so I then spent a while making an accounts spreadsheet trying to figure out budgets and estimate how much I might need for food etc, try to see how much I'll have at the end of the year.

Oh and also, Sarah Rees Brennan wrote another part of her Big Idea stories, which give back story for characters from her debut The Demon's Lexicon. This one is about Marie, Daniel and Olivia, who I particularly adore. Some people in the fandom expressed less than love for Olivia, but to me I find her extraodrinary, amazing; I adore her as a character and kinda would love to have a chat with her as a person. I mean, I have much love for Daniel and Marie as well, of course. I mean, clearly I adore every single character Sarah writes. (OMG I love Seb McFarlane SO MUCH he is utterly wonderful and excellent). I really can't help this. They are so beautiful, and I don't mean physically. Beautiful and rounded and whole. And so I adore them.

Anyway. There are no spoilers for The Demon's Lexicon, and this stands alone. So anyone that has maybe seen me raving about it should read it, get a feel for sarah's writing and beautiful character crafting, and then if they like it they should definitely read The Demon's Lexicon. It is The Arundel Tomb and everyone should read it.
 

So yes. Everybody read that. Because it rocks, Olivia rocks (Seb McFarlane rocks), Sarah rocks.

You guys, I totally went to the gym today. FINALLY. And I was awesome. I used the cross ramp, the hand pedals thing, the cycling machine and the treadmill, and also managed 50 sit-ups. I was actively exercising for 2 ½ hours, which for me is really excellent. And it felt great! Now I feel pleasantly tired, and reckon I’ll sleep well later. Am proud of myself :D 

Of course, the first thing that happens when I get home is that I am offered chocolate cake. OM NOM NOM. Sooo not in danger of losing weight.

Progress toward uni: I’ve written to tell Cambridge my individual scores for each paper I took, and today I received my options for papers to take this year and am about to look up my eading list! OMG actual studying! I also received a letter detailing my loan payments and when exactly I’ll receive them. Money! Joy! I can start thinking about a tentative budget. I’ll blatantly keep revising it, but whatever. It’s really happening!

AND I ORDERED MY NETBOOK. Order definitely went though this time, and its current status is ‘Dispatched’ so I expect I will receive it soooon. Maybe even tomorrow. YAY!!!

A moan: I don’t want TDL to get a different name… Not that that stopped me making suggestions. But still.

To finish – I have got such a thing for cheekbones. Oh god, Colin Morgan… So gorgeous. I mean, he as a whole is a very beautiful talented human being, but I keep staring at the Merlin series 2 promo pics and dear god, his cheekbones… gah. Also, his collar bone and throat. But yeah. Bradley hardly even distracts a glance in this crop of pics.

Tomorrow I am going to the zoo. I am pretty excited.

Life continues. Apparently.

Sometimes I've found myself just in a happy haze. Thursday, I kept bursting out laughing and giggling, and Friday and today I'm more incredible chilled and serene. Sure, my hard work is to be rewarded with even harder work in my future, but for now, I have done it! I have achieved. And I am very happy about this.

Thanks for all the congratulations you guys! It means a lot and had me :D for hours. And, I repeat my own congratulations to all my flisters who are also starting uni soon! Well done for all your work - we are all going to have such a great time!

I've just spent over an hour reading stuff about freshers and about various clubs and societies and opportunities at Cambridge, and there are so many cool and exciting things. Blatantly, I am going to join far too many in the first week, then realise I actually need some time to, I don't know, work, and have to stop most of them. But yes. There is an Amoral Science society! A Writers Guild! An Assassins Guild! And, and fencing and sailing and gliding and shooting and archery which I used to ADORE.  And a Harry Potter club. And soooo many other things...!

I tried to order my netbook yesterday but I'm not sure it went through properly. I should get it within a week though, I hope. And then, it will need a name... hmmm... Plus, I want a new mp3 player, and an absolutely gorgeous leather bound notebook, and one of those amazing glass ink quill/pen things of amazingness. They are seriously what anyone that likes writing of any kind longs for and theres a particular shop near me that looks like it hasn't changed for about two hundred years that sells such things and I adore that shop and I've only ever ought presents for other people in there. So now, I shall buy myself some presents, and indulge myself shamelessly. These are my rewards. Then, come October, it will be the beginning of my life of frugalness. 

...Sure it will be.

"Congratulations! Your place at University of Cambridge (C05) to study Theology and Religious Studies (V600) has been confirmed."

I GOT IN!!!

YES!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!

:D :D :D

( I feel kinda sick )

The sky is grey. I must be back in the UK.

Actually, I got back late on Thursday, but spent most of Friday sleeping and surfing tinternet while half asleep. Then I spent the weekend in London visiting my gran and two of my cousins, one of which, along with my uncle, her father, were only in the country for a couple more days.

But, here I am again, getting comfortable again in my corner of tinternet.

I have a million things to say about the books I read on holiday. This year, I was REALLY STRICT with myself over rationing the amount I was allowed to read each day, and therefore technically did not run out of books to read! For the first time in living memory! OK, there were quite a few moments/hours when I felt kinda restless, itchy palms urge to read more, but on the most part I controlled myself.

( Book thoughts )

Also, I have decided that it is OK and inevitable that I need to be writing more than one thing at a time. So I calmed down and thought about it, and so have currently two novels I actually want to write, two I'd like to plan in the future, and (excitingly) two ideas that have cautiously suggested they be short stories. Hopefully some progress will be made still on Imlie's Garden but at the moment my main focus in still on this more recent idea. Also, I have decided that if I go to Cardiff for uni I will try to pick up some of my credits from outside my department on a creative writing course if possible. Because I love it, and I should take every opportunity I am given, and because it would be great to do something different from normal academic study.

And, I am now stepping up my thinking about buying a laptop to actually, where can I buy a laptop thoughts.

( Eee PCs and Linux )

Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you.

I was given rahmbamarama, omnishipping, maps, Baker St and university by the lovely laliandra .

( What they mean to me... )

I tried to make another long post about my thoughts on Torchwood Children of Earth Day 5, and about the whole thing over all, but I couldn't really. I have so many fragments of thoughts, on such a variety of subjects and I haven't been able to make it coherent yet. Maybe I'll keep trying. Basically, I liked what they did with Jack but little else. I hated what they did with Ianto, but most other things I didn't hate so much as feel incredibly disappointed and irritated by them. Perhaps, like with a favourite teacher, its a worse reaction for me to be disappointed than really angry. I expect I probably will have to discuss it further here.

But, non Torchwood things!

On Friday night, it was my school leaving Ball. I was a little worried about how it would go, but everything was fine, though it was a little annoying the bar wouldn't sell us spirits ;) We all went clubbing afterward of course, but I didn't stay out too late, got home about 2ish. And then I watched Torchwood. OK, don't judge me, I swear I meant that to be a non Torchwood thing. Basically, last school student event went nicely - everyone looked gorgeous and laughed and danced a lot, including our teachers, the food was good and we had a great time!

( Yesterday, I went to a Leonard Cohen concert )
And, this morning, I have been given a couple of Dreamwidth invite codes! If anyone would like one, let me know!

This week has been quite full, especially since it seemed to be filled without me really noticing. Today I think I might do very little, to welcome the beginning of my summer holidays proper, well, properly.

particularly Children of Earth, Day 4.

Well.

( Spoilers for Torchwood: Children of Earth, Day 4 )